you aren’t even worth mentioning.
four years later and you still creep up in my thoughts. my body trembles at the sound of your name. when i think about what happened i instantly put my guard up and can’t stop shaking. you’re the only person who has the ability to instill that much fear into me. i’ll never see you again and yet you still haunt my dreams. maybe it’s because i know it could happen to someone else. maybe it’s because i know you didn’t get punished enough for it. or maybe it’s because deep down i still blame myself. i could have, should have, stopped you. i should have never opened my mouth about you in the first place. i hope this world eats you up and spits you out if it hasn’t already. i hope you’re fucking miserable, you piece of shit. i wish i could see you again. so i could show you how strong i am. so i could hurt you as much as you hurt me. despite what you did to me, i’ve still learned to let my guard down. i still learned that not all people are fucked up assholes like you. i’ve turned out to be a pretty great girl, but you don’t get any credit for that. yes, you made me stronger because i had to overcome so many obstacles, but that doesn’t mean what you did was good in any way. you should have gone to jail. you deserve to be turned into someone’s bitch. you’re the screw up and you made the mistake, but i’m the one paying for it. so, i swear to you, if i ever see you again; i. will. fuck. you. up.
fucking nightmares.
it’s good to have someone to talk to about the important stuff. the secrets that i keep from everyone else because i’m too scared to tell the truth or i don’t think i can trust them. i don’t even have to second guess myself when it comes to you, and that is an amazing feeling.
it kind of hurts that even though i know i want to be with you, you’re going to still be looking around. we’re so perfect for each other, why would you want someone else? especially since we’ve been talking. communicating in the way you’ve always wanted. but then again, i hope you find someone who makes you happy. someone that you absolutely adore and get along with perfectly. i just don’t know where that would leave me. if you were to find someone else, i don’t really know what i would do. i’d obviously have to move on, but i know no one will ever come close to you, so what’s the point of trying?
having a really bad day. i just want to shower and go to bed. blah.
3 years ago • Notes