you’re tearin’ me apart.
he’s lovin’, he’s touchin’, he’s squeezin’ another. he’s tearin’ you apart every day.
tonight is super fucking lame. like seriously? i’m sitting alone by myself on a friday night. not only that but all i’ve done all day is hang out my dad and grandma. and on top of that, my mom rented me movies from blockbuster. but do i watch them? no. i fucking clean the house. hahaha. i’m such a lame person. i don’t know how i have any friends what so ever. but it’s cool. i guess i just did it for my mom. cause i know she’s been helping a lot at the haunted house. it’s stressing my family out. so i figure if i’m the only one not doing it, i might as well do something productive around here. i vaccuumed and cleaned the bathroom. picked up the dining room and their bedroom. other than that the house isn’t too bad. except the kitchen could use cleaning, but that’s too gross for me. haha, i hate kitchens. other than that, it’s just laundry which i’ll do over the weekend. anywhooo.
right now there’s a little bug flying around and distracting me. i just hit it, but i don’t know if i killed it. it’s probably crawling on me. speaking of crawling, i don’t know what ever happened to the two spiders i saw in here that i was too scared to kill. haha. ew, now i’m grossed out. i feel creepy. bleh.
listening to journey right now. thinking a lot.
isn’t it weird how songs or shows or movies or other people’s situations can put your life into perspective? isn’t it even more ironic when someone’s giving you the low down of their life and the whole time you’re head is screaming “YOU NEED ME. I’M RIGHT HERE. WE’RE PERFECT. I CAN HELP YOU. I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE. I WON’T LET YOU DOWN. I CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. I LOVE YOU.”? and yet; still to shy to say it out loud. i guess it’s the fear of being rejected. or the fear that even though i KNOW i’m not good enough, that once he realizes it too, everything will fall apart for me. i think that’s why i hold back when it comes to my feelings for him. i think that’s why everytime i tell him i need to talk to him about something, i chicken out. i don’t know, i just know that i love you and i want to be with you. but it’s cool. i’m just the friend. i get that. and for now, that’s great. but i don’t know what i’d do to see you with another girl. to have the lips that have been touching MINE for almost a year kissing another girl. to see the arm that’s been around MY waist or wrapped around ME all over another girl. to notice the hand that’s been intertwined with MINE, that’s stroked MY hair, that’s held MY face or the back of MY neck when you kissed ME. if i have to see that, hell if i even picture it, i want to/will break down. you own my heart kid, and i’m wrapped around your finger.
i love you, i hate you, i can’t get around you. i breathe you, i taste you, i can’t live without you.
god, i don’t even know. all i know is that i want to be with you. and we’ve been extremely good lately. why are you pushing me away? why are you trying to act like we can’t be together again? why are you acting like we won’t work? why are you too afraid? why? i just want to know one really good reason why, starting now; forgetting all about the past, why we can’t start all over?
sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
i wish you could read this. i wish you could just rethink “us”. i wish i was enough. i wish i made you happy. most of all, i just wish we could try again.
3 years ago • 0 notes